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Good Questions, Control + Shit Days

I'm always wary of saying I suffer from depression, in case I'm just suffering from a mild case of over thinking myself into a whiny bitch fit. Depression is such a big topic and can span months at a time so I'll scale it down a bit to … having a shit day.

The start of my shit day mostly always starts with a stress point, a brief moment at which I lose control over a something very simple like getting dressed. My jeans might be too light for the coat I'm wearing. I can't wear black socks with black trainers, because I’ll look like I'm going to school. My light grey undershirt is too close in colour to my great sweatshirt thus defeating the objective of even wearing an undershirt (I’m going for contrast here). All of the sudden I'm totally stressed out and ask a stupid question like “Why world, why?”.

This was last year. Now I ask better questions. The first question may be “Why do I care about these things so much”. The answer being that I appreciate balance and attention to detail. I actually get paid to attend to details, colours, images and text, space. A second question may be “Would it be easier to change my mindset, or control the process of dressing up”. The answer would be the latter. Then I proceed to control the situation by working out my outfits before hand, buying some staple pieces multiple times (white socks, white shirts etc) and deciding to wear the same perfected shit in recurrence. I also decide to wear the same pair of white trainers everyday because they seem to work with any outfit.

'I’ve learned that the way I handle my morning could be the difference between a good day and a terribly shit one. So I make it a something to really control my mornings'.

I also have a bad habit of scrolling down my twitter timeline every morning (Which slipped right back in after my Social Media Boycott). Sometimes I see a tweet like “Someone busier than you is working right now” and jump out of bed. Other times I see tweets that read “Real men have beards” or “Guys, don’t talk to me if you're 21+ and don't drive a BMW or better”. Now I don’t jump out of bed when I read these tweets — nope, I lay down stroking my beardless cheek thinking about everything I don’t have.

This could of course be easily controlled, so instead of fighting with my urge to scroll down twitter, I change the content instead. The asshole whose attention is worth a piece of metal has now been replaced with the person who is listing the financial, health and global benefits of cycling to work. My instagram is a collage of positive quotes, and fitness enthusiasts that push me into the gym every morning. The timelines serve me … My bad habit is now a good one.

When you ask good questions, you get good, actionable answers. I try to be the student and teacher of my own mind.

Written 28.01.2015